In the Spirit of St.Thomas

It's come to this

2008-01-28T09:32:00.000-05:00

Some of the greatest minds of our time recently met in Harvard to discuss emergency measures for saving the planet from out of control global warming using geoengineering. It's a scantily understood discipline carrying great risks, but that's what we get when society stubbornly refuses to make gradual concessions to the carbon-intensive way of everyday (a.k.a. the easy way out).

So let's look at some of these promising alternative options:

1) Fertilize the oceans - put large amounts of iron particles into oceans, causing a surge in plankton growth. Plankton sucks CO2 (the main greenhouse gas) from the atmosphere, and eventually deposits it on the ocean floor where it stays for centuries.

2) Store CO2 underground - an idea developed by oil companies and already tested in practice. Basically, take the empty chambers in the earth's crust (empty cause we sucked the oil out), and pump excess CO2 into them, and cap it. Sounds simple enough, but we'll essentially be creating giant pockets of poisonous gas, ready to burst.

3) Make clouds more reflective - through a process involving tiny salt particles, we'd be able to increase the albedo (brightness) of clouds, making them more reflective. More reflective clouds would decrease the amount of sunlight reaching the Earth's surface, and thus offset the effects of global warming. In order to actually do this, one method suggests an endless army of ships crossing the oceans and pumping vapour into the sky.

4) CO2 scrubbers - Prototypes of Co2 filtering devices exist today. One plan calls for fields of such scrubbers (roughly the size and shape of football uprights) strategically placed around the world to suck out CO2 directly from the air. The problem is, what to do with the CO2 one it's been captured? Disposal and transport costs would offset any benefit, although the inventor claims a chemical process could turn the captured CO2 into harmless limestone, but he's got a fortune riding on this idea, so of course he'd champion the cause.

5) Space Mirrors - An idea right out of the Simpsons...a giant mirror in space to block out a portion of the sun's light reaching the earth, and thus cooling it. Some mirror designs would simply cause a shaddow effect, while others are more permeable, and would only block out the most harmful sun rays, while allowing light to still reach the earth in all parts, without any shaddow effects. Interesting.

There are other ideas too, but hardly worth writing about.

Melting exotica

2007-03-20T14:56:00.000-04:00

Believe it or not, as polluters have always argued, there are some up-sides to global warming. As the climate warms, previously frigid lands will become subtropical, they say. Instead of dealing with snow storms, our Canadian children will enjoy summertime all year round, and biodiversity like we've only seen in movies. Imagine...utopia...tropical diseases galore...hockey, no more. And that cottage property on the tundra you bought for a buck...tropical paradise just in time for retirement. Sweet. Sounds too good to be true, right? Wrong! It's already happening.

Scientists in Antarctica are now able to get a clear look at some exotic creatures previously unseen or rarely so, by human eyes because the icesheets that covered their habitats are gone. Blue icefish and orange stars are no longer glimpsed through the lenses of deep diving robots, but rather by human eyes leaning over the railing of polar research vessels, a.k.a. cruise ships. Glaciers, some the size of small nations are breaking off, creating newly exposed and not quite polar environments. It's aesthetically pleasing perhaps, but the overall implications are not. Thank goodness the world seems to be catching on, and is slowly beginning to think beyond this generation.

The Miracle of Christmas

2006-12-21T09:25:00.000-05:00

A Komodo dragon is set to give birth any day now. So what, you say? Well, she lives in a zoo where her access to males is restricted, or at least monitored, and is supposedly a virgin. Zookeepers are baffled, but it's not like that sort of thing hasn't happened before. Our virgin pop princess Britney turned mother-of-two seemingly overnight. And there was that other famous case from two millenia ago. But all those are human examples, and our girls know how to get themselves off...but komodos? Well, one theory goes that during animal transfers and loans between zoos in London and Paris, our virgin dragon hooked up with a male...a romance so short that no one seemed to notice, or would admit to peeping in on just such an event. This alleged encounter would have taken place years ago though, so it looks like our dragon either immaculately conceived, or, self-fertilized by storing the male's sperm for years until she was ready to conceive. Let that be a lesson to you fellas out there...you make sure she rinces out nicely next time or you may be getting an unexpected x-mas present yourselves one year.

Fur is murder, but leather is...better?!?

2006-10-25T11:03:00.000-04:00

I unexpectedly found myself at the wrong end of an animal-rights heckling incident today. Getting off a crowded subway train, I heard a distinct mooing sound coming from someone in the crowd. I would later realize that this guy was apparently mooing at every person he saw with a leather jacket. As I walked through the gates, I found myself in between him and his female counterpart. He kept mumbling something about cows (I assumed he was talking to her), and then made an obscure reference to wishing they'd make a stake out of...well, I think he meant me, because as I turned back to see who he was talking to now, he was looking back my way. His counterpart chuckled in agreement. He looked satisfied that I had heard his comments, rather than pretending to ignore him like the others did. Only then did I realize I was one of his intended audiance, and that I was wearing my leather jacket today. Oops.

Although I try to be an environmentalist and am very sympathetic to animal rights and human destruction of their habitats and freedoms...cows are different altogether. Have you ever seen a cow up close? They just look like they don't care. They would never make it in nature alone, so they might as well serve some purpose...food and clothing for us. I also object to low-brow bums who claim to be true activists. They do a dis-service to otherwise valid causes. No one will listen to unappealing people like that and change their ways. Still, the heckler's little rant this morning did bring awareness to the cause. I was gonna have chicken for lunch today, but instead I think I'll have...

Not so crazy afterall

2006-10-10T14:48:00.000-04:00

My dad's uncle has some crazy theories. I've heard many of them and disagreed with most, but the latest I heard I must agree has some merit. He's always been a drinker and an indulger, and when criticized for that he'd say: Do not all entities strive to give themselves the best this world has to offer...do we all not seek the cleanest and coziest home possible? Wouldn't desease causing bacteria and viruses rather infect bodies that are well taken care of, clean and efficient and not already abused by alcohol and poor diets? If I were a virus, that's what I'd do! Good point. Sure it fails to consider that indulgence such as alcohol and poor diets contain sugars and other very things bad bacteria crave. And sure, his theory makes no mention of a healthy body's superior ability to fight off harmful invaders, but aside from all that, it's a good theory...and let me say that even pushing 70, my uncle is holding up pretty darn good, and has done very well in life. So, for all those times I put forth a heated counter-argument, let me balance that with this one case of partial agreement. I believe neither extreme, whether it be indulgence or self-preservation will result in happiness. Go Balance!

D-evolution of mankind

2006-10-03T09:54:00.000-04:00

My office neighbour recently moved to another department. She left me with one of her plants and a colony of tiny black bugs...on the plant. While picking out the dead leaves they finished off, I found myself looking at these little bastards and thinking "you stupid bugs, you're killing off the very plant that sustains you...and there aren't any more like it anywhere in this office, where'll you go next?". Amazingly, then again maybe not so amazingly at all, it took me a full 10 seconds to realize that we humans are just as stupid...gorging on our planet's precious resources as we multiply, with little regard for future generations and their wellbeing. I know it's been repeated at nauseam, but do we not know any better? Are we no better than those stupid bugs? No, we're actually much worse! We know the consequences of our actions, yet we proceed as usual.

What would it take to curb this trend? Not that much. Here's a little crude sketch I put together to give you an idea of where to start:

1. Good roof insulation is critical to preventing heat loss during cold months, thus minimizing energy usage for heating purposes. On flat roofs (e.g. high-rise buildings), planting green roofs is a good idea.

2. Set up a rainwater collection system (e.g. along the eaves trough). Roof run-off can be collected and used for lawn care, car washing, and other non-drinking purposes, thus minimizing use of costly treated water.
3. Pave as little as possible. Make walkways water permeable (e.g. stones, not pavement) so that rain can seep into the soil.

4. Buy a hybrid car (electrical and conventional fuel mix, or biofuel powered e.g. ethanol) or at least a non gas-guzzler to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. Offset car trips with walking, biking, blading or transit when possible. Honda makes some descent hybrids, as does VW. Anything American is usually the worst in terms of pollution.

5. Have natural landscaping around the house. Plant native plants, and do not maintain lawns that require a lot of care (watering, herbicides, etc). If you live in a dry part of the world, you should not have a lawn (stones, shrubs, cacti, etc. can make a yard look just as nice) Invasive species are a no-no…obsessive lawn-moving and planting of annuals, likewise. You'll be a pulluter and a hated neighbour.

6. Plant an organic vegetable garden (No pesticides and artificial fertilizers). Keep a compost heap for fertilization and to reduce household waste.

7. Solar panels installed on the roof would provide additional electricity for the household in addition to the wind turbines (8). Any excess electrical generation could be stored for future domestic use, or put back into the public grid (sold to the electrical company). When in short supply, the household would supplement its energy needs by drawing from the public grid. Note: it is also possible to buy panels that use sunlight to heat water by running cold water (connected to your regular drinking water system) through a series of pipes in the panel until heated by the sun, and ready for use. This would reduce need for furnaces and boilers.

8. Portable wind turbines. (see #7.) A major part of the household’s energy grid, could easily generate enough power for the household, with potential for a surplus which could be sold to the public grid for profit or to offset other servicing costs. Imagine sending your electrical company a bill for your services…sweet!

9. Have lots of windows (good quality/insulation). It will increase heat absorption in cold months, and allow for well lit living quarters, decreasing the need for electrical lighting.

10. Plant fruit trees in the backyard. Again, organic. Lots of tasty healthy treats plus shade for the soil to prevent scorching in the summer and of course ideal for hammocks.

On the inside, how about having energy saving pulbs and other appliances, and please stop leaving everything on standby. Turn off your TV for once...no, really turn it off! If you can turn it on with your remote, it's not really off, it's on standby, and uses a surprising amount of energy in that state...24 hours per day. You're not missing much anyway, just another "scientist" a.k.a. oil industry lobbyist trying to convince simple minds that global warming is a myth. Simply unplug things when not using them. And in the winter/fall seasons, why are people still walking around barefoot and in T-shirts at home? Turn the thermostat down a bit, and dress for the weather sauna freaks! Same goes for the sweater wearing A/C junkies in the summer. I'll never forget freezing my butt off in the scorching days of summer inside a movie theatre blasting the A/C while showing An Inconvenient Truth, a documentary about our need to stop over consumption which leads to global warming. It's all on those damn bugs' fault!

Crikey no more

2006-09-05T09:56:00.000-04:00

Steve Irwin, 1962-2006

The world has lost a great warrior for nature and its creatures.

Tunes that soothe

2006-07-07T14:52:00.000-04:00

Zookeepers in Croatia have found a way to treat an elephant's depression with classical music. The elephant (Suma) began showing symptoms of depression (stopped eating and co-operating, failing health) after her long-time companion passed away a few months ago. Nothing could perk her up, until a concert of classical music was held on zoo grounds, not far from the elephant. As soon as Suma heard the musicians warming up, she became excited. During the concert she placed her head up against the fence, closed her eyes and listened motionlessly for the duration of the performance. Her behaviour and health was much improved afterwards. Zookeepers quickly installed speakers in the elephant area and now play classical tunes daily. Suma is doing better and seems to prefer Mozart, but others are acceptable as well.

I've heard of classical music's ability to calm the mind and soothe the soul, and that it's good to play to fetuses and babies. I also know that when I try to listen to it (except for very few specific pieces) it irritates me, while some non-classical types of music have a beneficial effect on me. So, are these supposed health benefits exclusive to classical music, or can any music that one enjoys have a positive effect? In other words, is it just a matter of whatever works for you, or is there something in the pitch and frequency of classical music that's good for all of us on a molecular level, including other species? I've heard that certain noise frequencies have been used by the military to bring about upset stomachs and other illneses in the ranks of their enemies, thus affecting their fighting ability. I think they played jazz.

Darwin Awards nominee

2006-07-04T09:57:00.000-04:00

You've all heard of the Darwin Awards, no? Awarded posthumously, the Darwin Awards salute deserving individuals for their contributions to the betterment of the human gene-pool, by removing themselves from it. Although the events are tragic, the methods by which these people accidentally killed themselves are so STUPID, you find yourself chuckling inside, saying "you know what, they are better off dead, for all of our sakes".

I heard this story on a local news station this morning. I'd like to nominate the following candidate for the next instalment of the awards: A 12 y/o dies after playing a version of a game called "black-out". This is apparently a popular game for teens here. You choke yourself until you pass-out or almost pass-out, which gives you some sort of a cheap high. In this case, our young nominee tied a belt around his neck to restrict airflow, but did it too well, and died in the process. He's poor mother has now started a crusade, teaching school-children everywhere about the dangers of playing such a game.

It is important to note that Darwin Award winners and candidates are not suicidal or lagally insane. These people were all considered "sane" and in no way intended to kill themselves, it just sort of happened...call it bad luck I guess. Past nominees include:

2005: USA. 19 y/o plots revenge on neighbor he believes stole a bottle of liquor from him. He decides to frame his neighbor by stabbing himself (with witnesses around), and calling 911 implicating the neighbor. His accusations fail. He dies, having stabbed himself in the heart.

2004: Italy. 28 y/o spy wannabe shows off his new gadgets at a bar. Pulls out a pen he claims is actually a pistol. To demonstrate, he points to his head and pulls the trigger. The spy pen-pistol works like a charm.

2003: Australia. Living Darwin Award. 26 y/o lit a firecracker he was holding between the cheeks of his buttocks. He stumbled as it went off, blowing away his gonads and lower insides. He lived to tell his story, but was left incontinent as well as sexually dysfunctional.

2002: USA. A man was killed by a train after his car broke down. Now, his car didn't stop dead on the tracks...no, the car was on the road. The man stepped away from the car and walked onto the tracks to make a call on his cell phone. The engineers on the train later recalled seeing the man on the tracks, talking on the cell phone and cupping his other ear to block off the sound of the approaching train, the noise of which was clearly interfering with his conversation.

Look in the mirror

2006-06-22T13:58:00.000-04:00

I saw an article today claiming that the aged and pregnant in this city find Torontonians lacking in manners. This comes only a day after I read about a study that showed Torontonians as the 3rd most polite city when compared to others in the world. The politeness study used actors pretending to need assistance, and measured the frequency of people willing to help. They did this thousands of times in various cities, and Toronto came in 3rd with a frequency of do-gooders higher than 70%. The other article just talked about how some pregnant and old women can't always get a seat when they take public transit, and concluded that Torontonians are some of the rudest people ever.

Well excuse me! I'm all for giving up my seat to those who need it. I do it all the time and always have and see other do it as well, but I can also understand how in some situations people might be reluctant for fear of a mighty wrath at their expense. I've seen it happen too often.

These people being offered a seat need to be polite in return. If a person offers you their seat, don't yell at them saying "what, do I look like some feable old lady to you!?". And if you'd never snap at a kind stranger like that, realize that some have. Then there's the all too embarassing fat belly mistaken for a pregnancy scenario. I saw it happen too. And another poor fella I saw a while back, squeezed over to the side so that a pregnant woman could sit down next to him. Shortly after, I heard her yelling "gtf over there, don't sit next to me, stop touching me!!!" He wasn't touching her. No one saw it. They were simply squished in together due to her size, and it bothered her that he shifted in his seat. It's not the guy's fault she's mad about not knowing who the father of her child is or whatever...but he got yelled at nonetheless, and quietly, embarrassed, moved to another part of the train. That's not fair.

I myself had a run-in with a milder ingrate the other day, but an ingrate just the same. I see an open seat, but step aside for a middle-aged woman to take it instead. She sits, and I stand. No biggie. I'm one of few people standing, it's not very crowded, but as she gets up to exit the train, she decides to walk directly behind me, instead of using the rest of the wide open isle I made sure was left clear. Despite all the available space she somehow manages to trample over my small back-pack on the floor, at my feet, and stumbles a bit as she walks off it. I ignore it, but instead of proceeding to exit the train she pauses. "Excuse me?" I hear. I ignore it. Then another more direct "Excuse me?!? I tripped over your bag"...but she's not excusing herself, oh no, she's asking for me to acknowledge and apologize for what happened to her...trampling over my bag and almost tripping herself. Yeah, I'm sorry...I'm sorry you're such a cluts and trampled my bag like that lady.

It's funny how some of these same people who are so in need of a seat always muster up super-human strength when it's time to shove everyone out of their way to the exit and up the escalators. The saddest thing of all is, those that trully deserve a seat will never speak up and will quietly suffer and stand.

Some tips. If you're a young male taking public transit, unless you're the only person in the train/bus, do yourself a favour and just stand...stand in some far off corner where you won't be in anyone's way, and pray that those same seat and clear path-demanders will extend you some courtesy and move a bit when your stop comes up.

Futbol...the cure for what ails ya

2006-06-14T15:17:00.000-04:00

One can't help but be amazed by the World Cup's ability to do just about anything. It brings the world to a stand still, it brings us all together, and brings joy to billions around the world. Whether your team wins or loses, you cannot deny the benefits to your overall wellbeing brought on by the inevitable feelings of euphoria from the experience of it all.

I'm amazed that even in a country like Canada, where soccer is hardly on the radar screen, one can go to any pub during the World Cup and be part of the experience...meeting total strangers, yet acting like best friends for 90 minutes, even if they are rooting for opposing teams...it's amazing.
In one place, it didn't even matter that the Oilers were playing their game 4 of the hockey finals, all the TV's (except a small one in the corner) had the World Cup on, and not even live games, but re-runs.

I only wish there was some way to more evenly distribute this feeling across the world. Some nations simply never make it to the big show, and their supporters will never know the feeling. Although I feel for them, I personally have no such issue as I am a supporter of the greatest soccer power to ever play the game...Croatia of course...who never miss the World Cup. But, for the sake of the non-perennial soccer nations, FIFA should consider designating one wild-card spot...going to one nation each World Cup, decided by a lottery or a committee perhaps, and not based on soccer ability (help them hire some ringers so they don't get embarassed). Maybe a nation that's had a particularly rough time in the last little while, and could use some good news and fun. C'mon FIFA you can spare 1 out of the 32 spots...just ask Brazil to sit the next one out...they could use a break from hogging all those tropies.

Our home and toxic land

2006-06-06T15:59:00.000-04:00

There’s been a lot of talk lately about high levels of toxic material found in the bodies of Canadians. It seems pollutants from industry, food, and life in general find their way into our bodies more readily then previously thought, making us more toxic and thus susceptible to illness and decreasing our quality of life. The federal government is very concerned and is initiating body-toxin testing programs, as well as putting pressure on neighbouring American states from polluting so much.
Pftt, and we thought we were the top of the food chain because of our dominance over the planet, but the truth is we're just too gross for even the hungriest beasts to consider sampling us for dinner.

While we can’t avoid being exposed to pollution and we can prevent further toxification, we can limit the amounts coming in, and we can remove toxins that have accumulated in our bodies from years past. I'm reminded of a semi-biographical novel I read years ago. It was about an eccentric old gas station attendant, who despite his age and seemingly dull occupation, had a great outlook on life and was in great physical and mental shape. Yet, he achieved this peace and health not by denying his urges, dieting, etc. but by simply offsetting the bad with the good. When he felt like a smoke, he had a cigarette without feeling guilty about it, but later on he'd eat a bowl of healthy fresh vegetables, reversing any ill effects the cigarette may have caused. So, although they say you shorten your life by 8 minutes with each cigarette you take, those 8 minutes are not necessarily lost forever. I share this example because it stuck with me, and not because I advocate guilt-free smoking. Smoking is disgusting, but so are many of our habits.

Here are some quick tips on how to remove toxins from your body:

1. Semi-annual detox program: Fast for 2 days eating nothing solid. Drink plenty of filtered water and detox formula. Drink a glass of detox formula (consisting of filtered water, organic lemon juice, pure maple syrup, and cayenne pepper for taste)every few hours or when hungry. Day 3-7 or beyond if you wish, eat light meals consisting of brown/basmati rice, and steamed vegetables, fruits. Eventually integrate fish and poultry. Then, when it's all done, go back to your old filthy eating habits, and repeat the clense every so often. You're body will thank you. You will drop weight though, a desirable or not, depending on the person.

2. Sweat. I don't need to tell you how to sweat...do whatever.

3. Meditate or relax as you prefer...you need to cleanse body and mind.

4. If and when you do indulge in unhealthy desires, don't feel guilty about it. The feelings of guilt will intensify negative effects on your body, while savouring and enjoying your guilty pleasures can actually minimize ill effects.

Microbe wars

2006-05-19T14:57:00.000-04:00

With the discovery of penicillin, the first antibiotic, by the 1950’s many medical practitioners were arrogantly proclaiming that we could close the book on all infectious diseases. Why these fools failed to factor in evolution before making such statements is not entirely clear, but the fact remains: bacteria evolve millions of times faster than more complex organisms like humans. That’s the price we pay for our lengthy and oh-so-productive and meaningful lives. Anyway, disease causing bacteria of course found a way to tolerate penicillin. Not only that, but our over-reliance on antibiotics and the fact that we’ve been unable to find a new form of antibiotic since the 1960’s, has put these microbes into evolutionary-hyperdrive. The result, superbugs…organisms resistant to every antibiotic in our arsenal. Penicillin, methicillin, vancomycin…all useless in terms of benefits, but they will however devastate your gut’s beneficial microfauna (pro-biotics), causing additional unpleasant side effects.

In an attempt to find new treatments for bacterial diseases, scientists are once again turning to phages, viruses that infect and kill bacteria. It’s an idea that pre-dates antibiotics, but due to a lack of understanding at the time, took a back seat to penicillin and was virtually abandoned. Just like a dormant virus patiently waiting for an opportunity to strike, so waited the idea of using phages for treatment of infectious diseases. With antibiotics failing at increasing rates, phage treatments are the new focus. Modern technology now allows us to better understand how phages work and which types would be most effective against which bacteria. Methods for extracting purer samples and doses of phages are also now available. Antibiotics it seems have a new rival in their quest to heal mankind…the mighty phage.

Not so fast. Just as phage treatments looked as though they were finally gaining the upper hand, a new antibiotic is discovered. While screening a sample of dirt from South Africa, scientists discovered a compound that when tested in mice, destroyed antibiotic resistant superbugs like enterococcus and staphylococcus aureus, rampant in hospital settings around the world. Unlike traditional antibiotics which attack a bacterium’s metabolism, the new antibiotic blocks enzymes needed to make fatty acids, the building blocks of cells. The compound is non-toxic, and as such shows real promise in the development of a new wave of antibiotics.

So, this all brings me to the bird flu virus (H5N5), or as the media seems to refer to it as…our apocalypse! Its coming they say. It’ll soon be transmittable from person to person, with ease. We’re all doomed!

I doubt it, and why I doubt it is mentioned above. No, I don’t think that new phage treatments will lead to a cure for bird flu, nor will the newly discovered antibiotic do us much good in this case. How could they? A phage is a virus that infects bacteria…it wouldn’t infect and destroy another virus like H5N5 (although some theorize that even viruses can be infected by viruses). Similarly, as successful as new antibiotics are at treating diseases caused by bacteria, they do not cure viral infections. The key to the answer actually lays in the first paragraph…evolution. Nothing, not even viruses are exempt from this evolutionary struggle of constant change (mutation) and sacrifice in order to gain an edge and exist for another day. In order for a virus (or any micro organism) like H5N5 to become more dangerous to humans, it would have to evolve…significantly changing from its current state. In order to infect more human hosts by either becoming airborne or jumping species more easily (or any number of other ways) the virus would almost certainly have to trade in some or all of its virility. In this scenario, yes, more of us would get infected, but fewer would get sick and die, and many may even show no ill effects at all.

Also, for a virus to be truly devastating to entire human populations, it would need the ability to keep human hosts healthy enough to be mobile at the very time when they are most infectious, thus maximizing exposure to new hosts. This would be when the lungs and other key organs are completely overrun by the virus. With the current H5N5 virus most human hosts are immobile and show severe signs of sickness by the time they reach their optimal infectious state. The only contact they have at that point with other potential human hosts is in hospitals with doctors and nurses, who hopefully are taking the necessary precautions in dealing with them. So, in order to gain this ability the virus has to trade-in some of its virility. Either way there are going to be tradeoffs and we must not forget that it isn’t in the virus’ best interest to kill us all off either.

How confident am I that the threat of bird flu is over exaggerated? Well, I’m not quite ready to have a chicken sneeze in my face just yet, but I’ll donate a peppershaker to the cause. Any takers? Seriously, I’m not the only one saying this. There are actual intelligent and educated people out there who share this view and have evidence to support it, but if I am wrong, may we all be stricken down by some micro-army from birdland, somehow!

Death row antics

2006-04-27T11:53:00.000-04:00

A U.S. death row inmate is legally challenging the ingredients in the lethal cocktail he is to be injected with, citing they may cause him to die a painful, unusual and cruel death. Interesting. You're not exactly on death row cause you gave your victims a pleasant sendoff into the afterlife, buddy. How arrogant to think you deserve any better. This is almost as bad as another case where the inmate delayed his own execution by complaining that the needle was not sterilized properly. Hmm, I guess Satan reviews blood test results now before granting access to newcomers.

Yes, their complaints may seem trivial and are probably just desperate attempts to delay the inevidable, but I guess there is some merit to them. Whether you believe in the death penalty or not, do even the worst criminals not deserve to die with dignity? To not grant them a dignified death would be hypocritical of our society, and make us no better than the murderers themselves. Well, maybe not my society, as Canada has no death penalty, but some states in the U.S. still do. And although I can certainly agree with the notion that some people have committed acts so heinous that they do not deserve to live, and that even a lifetime in prison is not torturous enough because some simply do not feel remorse and never will...I still wouldn't want to be the one to pull the trigger, or administer the injection. I wouldn't want the blood on my hands. Fortunately, (an odd word to use here) some states implementing the death penalty recruit volunteers for just such things, and there are plenty of sharp-shooting marksmen lining up to take part in justice-executing firing squads. Now that's a hobby!

Where on Earth will we find another...

2006-04-21T13:40:00.000-04:00

...Earth? April 22nd is Earth Day. To commemorate the event we had a city-wide 20 minute make-over. Everyone was to stop what they were doing at 2pm on Friday, and go pick up scattered trash for 20 minutes. I didn't join in, and know of few coworkers that did. Instead, I was in a meeting, where we all shuffled through our own personal copies of the same documents discussing how our organization can protect the environment. Occupational irony I call it. I'll make up for it this weekend, I swear.

The whole thing got me thinking though, maybe we as humans are just too lazy and arrogant to clean up the mess we've made. Why even bother? It's not like we can ever undo all the damage we've done anyway...seems like the amount of effort required vs. overall benefit to us just doesn't add up, and we're too brilliant a species to invest in such a futile venture. We're also too dependent on luxury to change our polluting ways, so why even try, right? And it's not like we don't have other choices. We're the only species here capable of packing up and relocating on a cosmic scale. Can't we just do what spoiled wealthy folks do and move into a new place when we mess up our existing home? Allow me to be your cosmic agent...let's have a look at some of the options we have for our future home, shall we:

Our first stop, the Moon. Well, since the late 1960's we've had an open-house on this property. A dozen individuals came by to look at the place, strolled around and quickly left, leaving some of their garbage behind, never to return. Not sure why. They promised to return and build cities but that never happened, and the Moon is still vacant, airless, with some potential for water, and just a three day trip from mother Earth. Although, as breathtaking as the view of Earth from the moon would be, living on the empty grey satellite would make us all long to be back home.

Next we have Mars. Probably the most earthlike of any place in the solar system. It once had flowing water, an abundant atmosphere, warmer weather, and a 28 hour day. Perfect. Well almost...it no longer has the first three desirable characteristics. The water has dried up or frozen at the poles. The atmosphere has thinned out, and the weather is much colder, although mid summer temperatures at the equator can reach a comfortable 10 degres celsius. It's a bit of a fixer-upper, but Mars has homely potential. Infinite resources, centuries of time, and a technique known as terraforming, could see Mars turn more earthlike. Terraforming involves the gradual intruduction of plants to Martian soil, to feast on the CO2 atmosphere, slowly pumping O2 out. Over the passing centuries, more plants would grow, more oxygen released, and the resulting thicker atmosphere would begin to warm up the planet's surface, melting the frozen water...making it almost liveable. Still not Earth though, so let's keep looking.

OK, the next few options are a bit of a commute from the Sun, but the collosal size of neighboring Jupiter on the horizon will make you forget all about that overrated life giving star. The first home on this block, Io, may perhaps remind you a little of Hawaii. Sure its surface temperature is freezing by our standards, but compared to other moons in the area, it's tropical. The constant gravitational tug of war Io feels from Jupiter on one side and the other large Jovian moons orbiting beyond it, causes it to heat up and fracture more so than others. If the relatively mild weather doesn't remind you of Hawaii, the constantly erupting volcanoes sure will. Frequent eruptions spew all sorts of elements into Io's athmosphere, and with all that crap in the air, there's gotta be something of use to us...that is if we exploit it before the weak gravity of Io lets it all escape into space. Just a stone's throw away from Io is Europa...long thought of as the one other place, outside Earth, where life could actually exist. Aside from the suspected ocean of H2O below its frozen surface, Europa offers its residents other amenities such as a moon-wide ice rink and ski jumps.

Moving further out, we have a lovely home called Titan, the largest in the Saturn district. Although it sounds big, at 5,150km across it's still a bit snug for Earthling tastes, but hey what isn't? Plus, with an average surface temperature of -290 degrees fahrenheit, you're gonna want to snuggle up close. On the bright side, Titan may have frozen water below it's surface and is the only moon with a significant atmosphere, although consisting largely of nitrogen, argon and other lovely gases that kill. You wouldn't want to go out anyway. The long term forcast calls for unrelenting smog and haze, with thick clouds causing occasional rain...a slurry of methane and ethane. Your new home on Titan will provide you with a beautiful view of what a young Earth may have looked like, before it was hospitable to mankind. Further down on this same street we also have Enceladus...not much to look at, but rumor has it, it may have plumbing. It's all speculation, but this modest little world may have liquid water...hundreds of miles below it's frozen surface of course.
It sounds discouraging I know, but consider that those are but a few of our options (albeit by far our best ones). We still have 7 other planets and some 100 moons to look at. The market is teeming with vacancies and it's in the buyer's favour, but I guess you're beginning to see why. Although there's endless real estate out there, it's a tough sell...no one and nothing wants to live out there, and for good reason. The Earth is the place to be. So, as lazy and arrogant as we humans may be, taking the time to tidy up and invest in the future of our current home is going to cost us much less and benefit us infinitely more in the long run, than a move to any of those other forsaken places would.

Miracles

2006-04-11T15:52:00.000-04:00

So what exactly is a miracle? I can't really say that I know, but I'm pretty sure I know what it isn't. Canada's "miraculous" comeback at the 1972 summit series against Russia for one, or Joe Carter's "miracle homer" in the bottom of the 9th with 2 strikes against him, that won the 1993 world series...non-sport examples escape me at the moment...what do you expect from a jock... but I'm sure you can think of a few situations where the word was misused.

Canada's 1972 comeback was nothing more than the result of Bobby Clarke breaking Russian superstar Kharlamov's ankle with a brutal slash, turning the tide in the series. Clarke would go on to have a successful NHL career, while Kharlamov never did, lived in poverty and eventually died tragically in a car accident 9 years later. What part of that story is a miracle...not to mention that Canada is the best nation in hockey and would need no miracle to beat anyone (except for maybe those Swedes...Czechs...Fins...well everyone but Russia and US). Similarly, Carter's homer was impressive and brought Torontonians much temporary joy, but poor Mitch Williams (loser pitcher) was almost lynched by an angry mob upon his return to Philly. So, none of the above are miracles if for no other reason but that I think miracles would never be a double-edged sword, with a need for clear cut winners and losers. True miracles then, cannot be affiliated with sports.

What about the role of technology (medical in particular) and acts of charity that bring about triumph in the face of potential tragedy? In other words, can human efforts induce miracles, and if so, can such achievements be considered true miracles? Is Apollo 13's safe return to Earth after all reason indicated the astronaut crew should have perished due to the explosion, a miracle? Are stories of people being brought back to life after being clinically dead thanks to modern technology, miracles? Maybe. Certainly the use of the term is more appropriate in this realm than in sports, but is it a true fit?

Three years ago, inspired by and greateful for seemingly miraculous efforts of the medical community to save a friend's life, I decided to become a "Miracle Club" donor. Since I wasn't in the medical field myself I had a limited understanding of what exactly doctors were capable of doing, and I thought that was a good way to support their efforts, and why not focus in on kids. Now, several times a year Sick Kids sends me pictures and stories of how my continued contributions have helped them create little miracles...with a request to increase the amount, so as to produce these miracles a little faster and more of them. A real life miracle factory, wow! Their motto even used to be "Where Miracles Happen", until their Palliative Care Department pointed out issues of insensitivity and unrealistic expectations, since not every child unfortunately makes it. But, I relent, who wouldn't...they make it seem like you are an integral part of helping them make these miracles happen. Each year around this time, and as circumstances allow, whether attracted to the feeling of euphoria at making a little bit of a difference, or as an insurance policy so that fate brings nothing that bad to you and yours, you add to the list...Canadian Cancer Society, Lupus Canada, Unicef...the list grows, yet remains arguably insignificant, given the scope of needy causes. You ask yourself, is it better to focus on one thing, or spread it around? Is throwing money at the causes even the answer, or can another way help more? Has any of this really resulted in a miracle, or is it just a marketing gimmick? If it helps, I guess it doesn't matter.

Does a miracle have to be spiritual and divine, supernatural and conventionally unexplainable in nature to be considered genuine? Perhaps, but certainly that cannot be the only criterion either, yet often times it is. What was so miraculous about the Hindu milk drinking statues or the blood-crying likenessess of Virgin Mary? Again, they were fascinating events, officially dubbed miraculous, but I fail to see how wasting milk on a statue in a country where millions of babies go hungry everyday is meaningful. Maybe it helped a few people reaffirm their faith and they went away doing good from that day on...maybe...I hope.

Are miracles associated with certain words/phrases and thoughts/feelings? Can we induce miracles simply by wishing them, and if enough people wish for the same thing, will it be more likely to happen? Would a miracle happen if no one asked for it? . Exactly three years to the day I came across a novena*. Never knew anything about that before, but who ever posted it claimed it would help bring on a miracle. I saved the clipping and etchings indicate I put it to use immediately. Nine days passed, and I'd repeat the process. I would see more and more postings of other novenas, so I'd try them too. I tried them all the way into the summer that year, until the family I prayed for had their daughter home again and feeling better. Whether it was the novena, medical staff, the outpouring of support from all, or just a testament to the strength of the human spirit, I'm not sure...probably some combination of all, but in my experience it is as close to a miracle as I've been witness to...that, and the birth of a child...something seemingly simple and common place, but miraculous nonetheless. In each case, my level of participation and influence over the events may have been trivial, but the effect they left on me are lasting and I am grateful, even though it's not always evident on the surface.

What about places...can certain places associated with miracles induce re-occurrences? Religious pilgrims and the sick flock to these places in search for some sign of a miracle and to ask for help. How successful they are I do not know. I have visited one such place myself on several occassions...Medjugorje, BiH. The Virgin Mary appeared there to a group of children playing in the hills in 1980 (pot is not as popular there, so evidence suggests they were not under the influence). To each child she revealed between 7 and 10 devine secrets. I think they were told to keep them a secret until the right time, or to just live through example. Their bios are available, and each child is now an adult...they are cheritable, model citizens and family folk, with close church ties, but to my knowledge live otherwise normal lives. Still, the word of this event has spread across the globe, and although relatively remote, the little hill top community is always packed with tourists and pilgrims from everywhere. People gather water from fountains to take with them...hoping to be healed. They trek up the rocky slope to the actual site of the vision, to get closer to a miracle. Anecdotes exist of miraculous events after a visit to Medjugorje, I've heard some first hand, but can't say I've witnessed any personally. Still, it's always a place I make time for when in the area...there's a different feeling in the air there. Consider it. <--Promo plug brought to you by the BiH Ministry of Tourism.

Rare is a post of mine that has more questions than answers. Except to say that miracles cannot benefit one at the direct and unwanted expense of another, have elements of mystique and must serve some good purpose, I can't even bs through an explanation on this topic. Whatever the true nature and definition of miracles is, the one thing I hope they are truly not is finite...for all of our sakes.

Happy Easter!

* I've only known and used the Sacred Heart of Jesus, St.Jude and Mother Mary novenas, but there are apparently over 100, to different Saints and for different purposes. Full versions available on the net http://www.catholicdoors.com/prayers/novena.htm. Basically, it is a prayer you say repeatedly for 9 days, and ask for a miracle or help for a particular problem/person. At the very least, they are calming and comforting...and who knows what more could happen.

Double Yawn

2006-03-24T15:33:00.000-05:00

No, I’m not quoting some smartass web critic’s review of my blog…some other blogs maybe...but what I’m actually referring to is the unusual semi-phenomenon of why when someone yawns in your presence, you often feel the urge to do so yourself? I’ve seen it happen to others, and had it happen to me. I’ve even made conscious efforts to fight an oncoming yawn after seeing others do so, but like all life’s simple pleasures, it’s best to just give in and not feel guilty about it. But why does it happen?

I think at the very basic level it might just be a matter of localized air/oxygen concentrations. Person A, for whatever reason is not getting enough O2 to the brain which causes their body to suck in additional air (a.k.a. yawn). This sudden large intake of air creates an area of depleted O2 concentration in the immediate vicinity of the yawner. Although momentary, the interval between the initial yawn causing the localized O2 depletion and additional O2 moving in to fill the void and even things out again, is still occasionally long enough for Persons B, C etc. to also feel the negative effects of lower O2 concentrations caused by Person A, and thus yawn themselves.

For the spiritually inclined folks, an alternative explanation would be Person A attempting to suck in Person B’s essence, spirit or soul. Person B naturally reacts by sucking it right back in. This all leads to the obvious conclusion that only a superbly grounded individual with no insecurities about losing their essence can resist being sucked into a double yawn. Pun shamelessly intended.
Yawning Tip: They say to prevent an oncoming yawn you should breathe in deeply and rapidly until the urge to yawn passes. Hmmm, is yawning so taboo that hysterical breathing is a better alternative? Heaven forbid someone should think you're tired or find them boring...yeah, better they think you're a hysterical freak or having a serious medical episode...that's much better.

World Water Day

2006-03-23T09:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was World Water Day, raising awareness of local and global water issues. Mexico City is hosting the 4th annual World Water Forum this year, the theme of which is, local actions for a global challenge. Water is the most valuable resource, and future wars will be fought over it if it becomes scarce. Ontario has 1/5th of the world's fresh water supply, so we're the envy of the world, but with that comes great responsibility. We Ontarians, more than anyone else should take steps to preserve this resource, and keep our eyes peeled for any envious people of the dry lands.

Kinda feel bad about that bath I took in my extra deep tub last night :(

Other notable dates:
April 22nd is Earth Day and October 14th is World Water Monitoring Day

Slobo's Dead

2006-03-13T10:42:00.000-05:00

The dark prince of Serbia, dead at 64. Slobadan Milosevic, the man largely responsible for the untimely and unfairly gruesome, destruction of former Yugoslavia and its people, was found dead in his cell (more like a 3-star hotel room) earlier this week in Hague...weaseling out of the inevitable verdict that was to be handed down. Reports indicate he suffered a fatal heart-attack brought on by multiple heart ailments, and not the result of a suicide, a popular method of self-disposal among his fellow Serb war-criminals, and his family tradition.

It's difficult to feel sorrow for an individual such as this, easily comparable to Hitler, Stalin and Hussain...but the awful legacy he leaves behind is an interesting one, and full of valuable life's lessons that we can all learn from...I can just picture "Don't Do What Slobo Does" childrens' books and instructional videos like "The Quickest Way to Hell via the Slobo Express". But, for all that's happened, I'm sure Slobo never intended it to end this way. He just had this anti-talent for causing the opposite of what he really wanted. Let's look at his resume: He said he wanted a unified Yugoslavia, but under his leadership it became 5 different nations. Then he said he wanted a Great Serbian state, yet Serbia is now smaller than ever, and it shares a name with an obscure little province called Montenegro. He wanted to be seen as a hero and be loved by his Serbian people, yet, he's brought them universal shame and many even opposed his burial on Serbian soil. Talk about a guy who just couldn't get it right. Still, where most of the world saw the devil, he saw himself as an angel. Is it denial or just a matter of perspective?

As I hinted at above, Slobo lost both parents to suicide at an early age...a devestating set of circumstances for anyone to deal with, which probably explains why he was so nationalistic. Lacking parents, he saw his Serbian people as his family, one he'd do anything to keep strong and protect, at the expense of everyone else. Didn't Hitler have issues with his family too, as did countless other tyrants? We really should screen future world leaders for traumatic childhoods before electing these people to such high power positions. Media, forget all the dirt on who slept with whom, and who smoked what...get the mental trauma stories...the scoops that really matter!

One of the judges at Hague summed it up best when she said "it is with great sorrow that I announce Slobodan Milosevic's passing...for he'll never allow his victims to see true justice" by dying before the verdict. Burn!

International Women's Day

2006-03-02T12:22:00.000-05:00

March 8th is the International Women's Day. It is an occasion marked by women's groups around the world, commemorated at the United Nations and designated in many countries as a national holiday. International Women's Day is the story of ordinary women as makers of history and is rooted in the centuries-old struggle of women to participate in society on an equal footing with men. I know that in Europe and in many places around the world it's considered quite an event, and it's the day when you give mom, sister, wife (or whomever) flowers, a card, cook dinner, or simple acknowledgement...yet who in North America does the same or even knows anything about it? Very few.

International apparently doesn't include North America, eventhough the first Woman's Day was observed in the US in 1909. Maybe the lack of continued American support for it has something to do with the fact that it was an idea put forth by the Socialist Party of America, and in America, socialist is synonymous with commie...and anything commie is supposedly evil...even if it's good. Relax America, the Cold War is over...you won, why so jumpy still? Or, maybe it's that here in North American we have our Mother's Day to show appreciation for women...after all it's the busiest of all mail days*...so why would we need yet another day? Apparently, in America a woman's worth to society is only as great as the size of her litter, so if you're a woman but aren't a mother, you don't matter. Huh?! I just hope it's not just an arrogant way of saying women's struggles for equality are a developing world issue, but a non-issue here.

Maybe it's none of those things. It could be that this particular day just isn't marketable enough to be popular in America. I am a bit surprised that the greeting card industry hasn't jumped all over this one. After all, they've invented holidays just to sell more useless crap, and have Valentine's Day cards for your aunt's former roommate, but nothing for March 8th Women's Day. Perhaps proponents of Women's Day should take a page from the olden days and spice things up a bit...In ancient Greece, Lysistrata initiated a sexual strike against men in order to end war. During the French Revolution, Parisian women calling for "liberty, equality, fraternity" marched on Versailles to demand women's suffrage. You just don't see that kinda passion from our gals anymore. Could it be that women here have achieved everything they set out to do, and that men have satisfied all their wants and needs and that the reason we don't celebrate Women's Day here is that EVERYDAY IS WOMEN'S DAY! :)

* Mother's Day is the busiest of all days for mail in North America, even more than Christmas...but why mail? Because of the North American custom of living as far away from Mom as possible, and even on Mother's Day, not making the effort to go see her in person. For shame!

Abraham's Feuding Children

2006-02-08T14:13:00.000-05:00

Let me tell you a little story about this fella named Abraham. Some 6,000 years ago he started a small family, based on his beliefs in one all-knowing God, and a whole host of well meaning values and morals. His first born was Judaism. Then, some 2000 years ago he unexpectedly saw his second born come to life, named Christianity. Six hundred years after that, yet another child came to be, named Islam. Although different in their own small ways, Abraham's children were nonetheless offspring of their father, and all steadfast believers in the core values he instilled in them. Yet, despite their familial ties, they feuded. Oh, how they feuded.

Judaism would do and say things like, "I'm the oldest, wisest, father's first...the chosen one"...to the resentment of the two younger children. Soon enough though, the second born would mature and start flexing his muscles, saying, "oh yeah, I'm the stronger, younger version of you, and father favours me." The youngest, Islam, would jump in and add "father wouldn't have had any more children if you two were so perfect...third time's a charm!"

Years would pass, and the children would fight...crusades this, holocaust that, september 11th this, settler-lands that...you name it...a three way tug-of-war for their father's love and attention, failing to see that they are all one family, fundamentally the same, and that their father loves them equally, despite their faults.

Today the feud continues, as childish as ever. Islam is outraged at Christianity's new hobby of drawing offensive caricatures of it, and publishing them for the world to see. Christianity tells Islam to grow up and get a sense of humour, and tries to explain the concept of free speech to the young one. So, after its initial violent temper tantrum, Islam takes a crack at edgy humour and holds a competition for the best cartoon depicting the holocaust, Judaism's darkest hour, and asks Christianity to publish the winning entry. Christianity agrees to do so, and the rivalry instantly transforms into an odd alliance, as blame is redirected to the oldest child. Fascinating behaviour.

As with any family fued, so goes this one. Alliances are formed and broken in an instant. Both the yongest and the oldest are at odds with the middle child, but still vying for their support, to shift the balance of power against the other. Father Abraham remains very disappointed, and is dreaming of a day when he'll be able to see his three children live peacefully, side by side. Who knows, that day may come soon enough, and if it doesn't, he can always propose a family retreat...maybe he'll suggest a hike to Sacrifice Mountain...if he could just remember where he put his knife.

Ice cold or fiery, hell?

2006-02-02T10:30:00.000-05:00

Climate change. Who to believe? For decades we've been hearing about global warming and how human activities are causing a build up of greenhouse gasses in the atmosphere, leading to higher average temperatures, melting of the ice caps, desertification, and other calamities. This year Ottawa (the world's 7th coldest national capital) has even expressed concerns that its Winterlude festival will be marred by the unseasonably warm weather. The Rideau Canal may not be skateable, and the ice sculpture exhibits would vanish before anyone even gets a chance to comment on how labour-intensive yet pointless they are. Ottawa would lose yet another claim to fame in its pathetic attempt to remind the world that it is the capital of Canada, and not Toronto, the Big Smoke as they refer to it, whom they probably blame for this global warming thing.

Lately, I've been seeing more and more scientific claims that suggest a trend of global icing rather than global warming though. Many cite that we are overdue for another ice age, while others add that pumping CO2 into the atmosphere is actually beneficial and keeping the next ice age at bay. One supposed environmentalist even went as far as to say that we should burn even more fossil fuels, and quickly deplete the world's supply because that would really force industry to come up with more environmentally friendly alternatives. Nothing drives innovation like desperate necessity. Hmm, why do I get the sense that his paycheques are stamped by some major oil conglomerate? That aside, there are credible scientific sources that believe global cooling is occurring. The journal of Nature reports that British researchers have detected a weakening of key currents in the North Atlantic, responsible for bringing cold arctic waters south and warm waters north. Slowed by as much as 30% in the last decade, this could cause progressively colder winters for Canada and Europe. So, are we destined for an ice cold hell or a fiery one?

It's funny how both extreme camps of "scientists" often fail to mention that we really don't know jack. At best, our data shows but one century of the earth's 4.6 billion-year existance. How can we make such drastic predictions of where the planet is heading next with any certainty? We can't. And rest assured, the Earth will persevere no matter what we do to it, but whether we'll be around for the next phase of its existance is a matter of us behaving ourselves or not (read up on the Gaia theory). The Earth's current state is ideal for us, but throughout its history that has mostly not been the case. Should we not do our best to keep the status quo so as to avoid a major paradigm shift (buzzword of the day)?

Regardless of the theory you prescribe to, which scenario would you prefer? I find an ice age much more attractive than a desert world. I think we're better at finding ways to heat ourselves, than we are at finding drinking water in arid places. You must also understand that even in an extreme ice age, the tropics would be relatively pleasant. Plus history has shown that nothing speeds-up human innovation like an ice age. It's one of those things that if it doesn't kill us (and it never has), only makes us stronger. As for polluting the atmosphere further in an effort to slow down an oncoming ice age...I give that idea a stiff 2 finger salute!

Aside: Too often I hear people cite ozone depletion as the cause of global warming. This of course is not the case. Ozone depletion is caused by the release of CFC's (aerosols) which eat away at the ozone layer, causing the polar "ozone holes". This does not cause global warming, but rather allows for deadly solar rays to reach us and give us skin cancers, instead of bouncing off into space harmlessly. Global warming on the other hand is caused by the release of CO2 and other greenhouse gases, which when they accumulate in great amounts, prevent heat from escaping from the planet. They form an atmospheric blanket around earth, causing the planet to get hotter and hotter. Venus is the perfect example of the runaway greenhouse effect. Mars on the other hand got stuck in an ice age. So far, our Earth is a happy medium. Also, if ozone (O3) is created by our factories and when released near the surface, is considered pollution, how come no one has found a way to shove it up where it can be beneficial to us and plug up the ozone holes? Just wondering.

Update: It seems ozone depletion is not the only culprit in the apparent increase of skin and other cancer cases. The Earth's magnetic field has weakened by as much as 6% in the last century. This magnetic field is what shields us from the onslought of deadly cosmic rays that would normally tear our bodies apart if they weren't mostly deflected out into space by the shield. Obviously other factors play a role in cancer prevalence as well...people living longer, greater daily exposure to chemicals, etc.

6 Billion +, yet still lonely

2006-01-24T10:31:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to argue the existance and nature of UFO's here. Everyone knows that they are spacecraft flown by a superior race of extraterrestrials here to administer an ambitious program of rectal probing...the only true way to understand life on Earth. No, I'll save that for another post. Rather, I want to discuss our haphazard eagerness to reach out to anyone and anything in the cosmos that may be listening. Allow me to elaborate. Back in the 1920's it was believed that Mars was home to an intelligent race of beings. A branch of the U.S. military even proposed beaming radio signals to the planet, and maintaining total radio silence world wide for 3 days, in order to listen for any response. In 1963, Arecibo, the world's largest single dish radio telescope was built in Puerto Rico and used extensively in the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence (SETI) program, whose objectives were to listen for and communicate with intelligent alien life in the universe.

These are but a few examples of major undertakings headed by credible government organizations, dedicating large amounts of resources to the cause. In addition, radio and television broadcasters have inadvertantly been beaming off signals into space since the early 20th century, some of which were strong enough and sent long enough ago to reach distant star systems. Imagine aliens picking up signals of the early Chaplin movies or the Howdy Doody Show, they'd think we're a bunch of retards. And, rest assured there have been countless other private ventures, some more respectable than others, who've built UFO landing pads, welcome signs (making the retard conclusion that much truer) and tried to get ET's attention in all sorts of different ways. My question is this...why do we think it'll be ET or Alf on the other line? Not only does our shameless search for cosmic companionship seem desperate, but it's dangerous too. Who's to say it won't be Predator or Alien, or something even worse, just waiting for an opportunity to invade? If history has taught us anything, it's that resources are finite, and anytime a group with sophisticated technology comes into contact with another possessing less advanced technology, the lesser group is exploited, and often eliminated. Homo Sapiens drove Neandertals to extinction this way. Colonialists exploited Native Americans similarly. The list is endless. What makes our case more extreme is that we are carelessly and actively yelling to the universe, here we are, come and get us! And believe me, nuclear weapons or not, anything possessing technology advanced enough to receive our cosmic messages and find it's way to our planet, has the capability to kick our ass with relative ease. So, maybe we should shut up a minute, eh!?!

I don't mean to sound paranoid. I'm an eager proponent of cosmic exploration. We should go out and explore all we can, but we should do it for our own good and on our own terms, and not get into anything we can't handle just yet. That's why I like NASA's Voyager approach, when it launched unmanned Voyager I and II spacecraft to the outer planets, and then up and out of the known solar system. Today, after flying through space at 40,000 km/h for almost three decades, the Voyager spacecraft are 2 of the most distant* human objects in outer space. With their main mission of planetary exploration successfully completed, they now serve as humanity's ultimate message in a bottle, each carrying a pictographic plate describing us and where we're from, as well as a gold plated record of sounds from earth, complete with encoded instructions on how to get it to play. The message works. Just enough detail to tell our story, but vague enough so that they probably couldn't track us down, because who really wants a long distance relationship anyway?

If I could change one thing about the pictograph though, it would be this...notice that the humans are drawn in front of a representation of the voyager spacecraft's dish, in order to give whoever receives the message a sense of scale. A bit too honest, no? Isn't it customary to embellish a bit? It's not like they'll come and check, and even if they do travel all that way just to meet us, you'd think their feelings would be based on more than looks. Eitherway, never underestime the power of intimidation! They'd be far less likely to mess with us if they though we were giants...or at the very least, better hung! I mean c'mon, the tiny genitals are just embarrassing, gees! Aside from that, the plate is perfect. As for the gold-plated record, WOW, I tell ya, any alien that successfully assembles a record-player from those crazy instuctions can probe me anytime!

*NASA launched Pioneers 10 and 11 a few years before the Voyagers. The Pioneer spacecraft travelled to Jupiter and Saturn then off into outer space, while collectively, the Voyagers travelled to Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune, before leaving the planetary plain.

Man's best friend indeed!?!

2006-01-16T10:19:00.000-05:00

Ever since their domestication, dogs have been there for us. They've captured our hearts with everything from heroic feats of crotch sniffing and disposal of our table scraps, to more practical everyday acts of self-sacrifice, like diving onto live grenades to spare the lives of their human comrades, or saving us from starvation when we find ourselves floating in the Arctic on a patch of ice that broke off from the mainland, waiting to be rescued. Clearly and deservedly, dogs are man's best friends (insert theme from "Psycho" here)...or are they?!?

Lately, there's been a surge of media attention focused on vicious, often unprovoked dog attacks on humans. So much so, that the Ontario government has followed other jurisdictions in passing a bill banning pitbulls. I'm not sure where exactly I stand on this issue just yet. I am not a dog owner, and I do get upset over news of another mauling, but I've also been around all sorts of dogs my whole life, from playing with a friend’s pet to volunteering at a dog shelter. I've seen the good and the bad, so maybe for once I can present an objective, unbiased case, as has always been my intention. Although, I'm pretty sure that by the time I'm done writing this post, I'd have formed a strong opinion favouring one extreme over the other. There's just something about putting arguments in writing, that angries up the blood!

I've had my share of run-ins with aggressive pooches. I had a paper-route once, and there was never any shortage of feisty little pricks desperately trying to justify their existence by rushing to the door barking their brains out at me. Look, princess, they clip your toe nails and make you wear a sweater…you’re a pet, NOT a guard dog, ok, and believe me there’s a difference! Once, on my way home from biking along nearby country roads, and hopping into an adjacent golf courses to play a round of back 9, on the house of course, I found myself unable to recover my bike stashed away in the woods. It was dark by then, and the woodlot surrounded by doberman pinschers (pictured). They didn’t belong to the golf club, but rather a neighbouring property in the middle of nowhere. Picture a house from hell, junk cars all over the lot, not another house for half a mile, and a pack of guard dogs running around unrestrained. This may be an everyday site in the back country, but it wasn't this close to a metropolis. My only option was to walk back onto the golf course, without my bike, and make a run for it. After a quick dash, I thought I'd made it out ok, but then felt the need to go back and get my bike. Home was a long walk, but as soon as I looked back, I noticed one of the dogs in full sprint towards me, so I ran again. He was gaining fast, so I stopped to face him, thinking about ringing his neck or giving him a Chuck Norris-like roundhouse kick to the head. I quickly abandoned that thought at the site of 3 more dogs emerging from the darkness. I owe my salvation to a diagonal leap across a drainage canal running parallel to the golf course and the road. It could be that the dogs either couldn’t match my gazelle-like athleticism, or that their jurisdictional authority didn’t extend past the ditch. Whatever the case, I wasn’t gonna let them win, and returned later that night to retrieve my bike, this time armed with a fine piece of German engineering…my dad’s 1986, 4-door, Audi 5000. I parked it on the road, engine running, ran into the woodlot, got the bike and wedged it into the trunk, just far enough to be able to drive off from there, and secure it later. As I sat back behind the wheel, I noticed the dogs were mere steps from the front of the car, with blood thirsty looks. I revved the engine, and they reluctantly cleared a path, and I was on my way. What became of those dogs, I am not sure, but the house has since been bulldozed to make way for cookie-cutter suburbia.

What's odd about the whole thing is that at no point during the entire encounter did I feel scared. Only adrenaline, excitement, whatever...but no fear. Was I just too young and dumb to realize the potential seriousness of the situation had they caught me? Perhaps. Or maybe it was the fact that dog maulings weren't in the media spotlight at that time. Now, looking back at my encounter, I realize I could have been torn to pieces and with no help in sight, some golfer would have found me the next day as he positioned himself for his 9th shot on a par 4. At least by comparison, he'd be having a good day. Now thinking about being torn to pieces, I become…afraid…very afraid…because the media says I should, and now the law says so too. I can't be around dogs anymore, and although not scarred physically, I've been so emotionally...pfff, whatever! I like dogs just fine, and that incident has not changed that for the worse at all. It's not the dogs' fault, it's the crazy and careless owners that train dogs to hate. And should you be one of those folks that fears dogs to an unreasonable degree due to some isolated incident from the past, my advice to you is, you obviously got away, so get over it! If that doesn’t help calm you, then maybe this will. Dr. Dubernard of France recently performed a successful partial face transplant on a woman severely disfigured by a dog attack. If your fear of dog attacks is more related to loss of function rather than aesthetics, scientists at the University of Tsukuba, Japan can offer you HAL. Hybrid Assistive Limb is a robotic suit that when worn, can assist weak or disabled individuals with walking, lifting and many common, labour-intensive tasks. So as you can see, should your dog encounter turn ugly, science has a variety of ways to "help"you...each leaving you looking even odder that the dog attack itself would.

In closing, the law should focus on dog owners/breeders that train their animals to hurt and hate...that’s the root of the problem. As for all the good dog owners out there, God bless you all, you lovable shit-picker-uppers, for keeping your dogs in check and our streets and parks crap free.

The New King of Pi

2006-01-11T14:43:00.000-05:00

Back in high-school I had this calculus class, and although I was always savvy with math and numbers, calculus disinterested me to a degree that can only be expressed as 10 to the power of 1000. Whether it was the anal prof, an almost total lack of hot girls in that class (there were a few exceptions), or the fact that I foresaw no real practical application to calculus outside the classroom...what the point of derivatives is, I will never know...who can say? What bothered me though is, there were a few people in that class that I considered not particularly bright, yet they'd get better test scores simply because they sacrificed every night of their lives to study. When they'd flaunt their grades, I'd defend my own intelligence with mathematical trivia. My go-to play was reciting Pi to the 10th decimal place..."3.1415926535" I'd say, and watch them scurry off to their calculators for confirmation, knowing full well that even their calculators would fall a few digits short due to their limited screen size, thus making my triumph that much sweeter.

Pointless and petty you say? Perhaps. But, before you judge me, consider this: a few days ago at the 2006 Mindsports Australia Festival in Sydney, Chris Lyons, 36, won acclaims for reciting Pi to 4,400 digits without an error, smashing my old self-professed, unsubstantiated record by a whopping 4,389 digits! You see, this kind of pointless crap goes on all the time in mathematics under the disguise of "research". I've already explained about calculus, but there are others. Recently researchers at a Missouri university identified the largest known prime number, by programming 700 computers years ago to get the result. The number is apparently 9.1 million digits long. A prime number by the way is any positive number divisible only by 1 and itself. So, who cares? Those computers could have been put to better use, if not for real scientific reasearch, then as supplies for underfunded schools, libraries, and homeless shelters full of folks who cannot afford to surf for porn on their own budgets.

Back to Pi. I wonder who the real king of Pi recitation is? A quick internet search will yield claims as high as 83,431 digits, by Akira Haraguchi, but the sentimental favourite has got to be Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, who has stated under oath that he can recite Pi to some 40,000 places. Well in light of this substantiating evidence, I think we have our new Pi King! Still, worthy of acknowledgement is the most obvious disadvantage Apu had to overcome...just imagine how many more digits he could cram into his brain if he could just free up all that memory wasted on the spelling of his own last name? So, anyway, as far as I know I'm currently ranked 4th in the World Pi Recitation rankings, behind Akira, Apu and Chris, with 10 decimal points, but still ahead of those knowing only as far as 3.14, which is a 6-billion-way tie for 5th place.